May 18, 2008:
We've just landed in LA from NY, and are walking to the car. As I'm pulling my luggage behind me, I have a sense of Al walking beside me. In fact, I could almost see his outline. "Don't be silly," I said to myself. "You just think you see him because you miss him so much." At the very end of that dismissive thought, a car horn sounded - it was one of those horns that toot out a musical theme. This one was the theme from the Godfather. [Al's full-blooded Italian] LOL! Confirmation I did see him?
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Pennies from Heaven
May 15, 2008:
Leaving today for Al's service in New York with his family. This will be the first time I'm meeting his sister, brother, nieces and others. Not the way I wanted to meet them. Unknown to me, at the wake I put together (with help of friends) in L.A., one of my friends passed a basket around to help pay for a ticket to NY. At this point I wasn't even going to go to NY, even though everyone strongly suggested that I do. Not only did she collect enough money for one plane ticket, but for two. (Al was very loved and probably 200+ people showed up at his wake.) I took my friend Lora for support.
As we're standing at a small table next to our departing gate in LAX, waiting to board, Lora went off to get some coffee. While she was gone I had another conversation in my head with Al. I asked him if he could please be with me on the plane. I had a sense of a hesitant, "okay." I realized his family probably needed him more right now. I felt he confirmed that, so I told him it was okay to go and I'd meet him there. I then doubted I was having a conversation with Al and dismissed it as my imagination.
Shortly after that, as Lora came back with her coffee, a man in a dark blue suit, walked right up to our table, put a Canadian penny on the table, and then walked away, all without a word. We both thought it very odd. Then I remembered my friend telling me about the American custom that finding a penny means someone that has crossed over is sending their love. Wow!
May 18, 2008:
Heading back to LA from NY. At JFK, Lora went to find us some bottled water. She returned, eyes wide, saying "you're not going to believe this!" At the kiosk there were NY sweatshirts. She decided she'd buy one for herself. Blue is Lora's color. Blue, Blue, Blue, Blue. However, this day she decided she wanted brown. The large sizes were on the top of the stack of brown sweatshirts; she needed a medium. She dug down to find a medium, and sitting slightly tucked inside the sweatshirt was a penny!
While Lora was away finding pennies, I had been writing in my journal:
"In talking with Al's sister, she told me Al said he finally met someone that gave back. He always talked about me; was always looking for my call [when he was in NY]. She and her daughters were so happy he had finally found someone he could fall in love with. THIS IS SO FUCKING HARD!"
Leaving today for Al's service in New York with his family. This will be the first time I'm meeting his sister, brother, nieces and others. Not the way I wanted to meet them. Unknown to me, at the wake I put together (with help of friends) in L.A., one of my friends passed a basket around to help pay for a ticket to NY. At this point I wasn't even going to go to NY, even though everyone strongly suggested that I do. Not only did she collect enough money for one plane ticket, but for two. (Al was very loved and probably 200+ people showed up at his wake.) I took my friend Lora for support.
As we're standing at a small table next to our departing gate in LAX, waiting to board, Lora went off to get some coffee. While she was gone I had another conversation in my head with Al. I asked him if he could please be with me on the plane. I had a sense of a hesitant, "okay." I realized his family probably needed him more right now. I felt he confirmed that, so I told him it was okay to go and I'd meet him there. I then doubted I was having a conversation with Al and dismissed it as my imagination.
Shortly after that, as Lora came back with her coffee, a man in a dark blue suit, walked right up to our table, put a Canadian penny on the table, and then walked away, all without a word. We both thought it very odd. Then I remembered my friend telling me about the American custom that finding a penny means someone that has crossed over is sending their love. Wow!
May 18, 2008:
Heading back to LA from NY. At JFK, Lora went to find us some bottled water. She returned, eyes wide, saying "you're not going to believe this!" At the kiosk there were NY sweatshirts. She decided she'd buy one for herself. Blue is Lora's color. Blue, Blue, Blue, Blue. However, this day she decided she wanted brown. The large sizes were on the top of the stack of brown sweatshirts; she needed a medium. She dug down to find a medium, and sitting slightly tucked inside the sweatshirt was a penny!
While Lora was away finding pennies, I had been writing in my journal:
"In talking with Al's sister, she told me Al said he finally met someone that gave back. He always talked about me; was always looking for my call [when he was in NY]. She and her daughters were so happy he had finally found someone he could fall in love with. THIS IS SO FUCKING HARD!"
It's in the Soup
4/30/08:
Two of Al's closest friends took me to lunch. They lived on the other side of the continent and the wake was the first time I had met them. We sat and chatted about Al and all ended up ordering the same lunch: tortilla soup. When the waitress brought our order, she commented that she had been inspired to get creative with the sour cream. As she put down the bowls, I saw that she had drawn a clover and a star in the others' soups. As she put down my bowl, I found a large heart drawn with sour cream. Earlier that day, in my mind, I had a one way conversation with Al (meaning I talked to him). I told him how much I loved him and would always love him. I guess this is how he figured out how to let me know he still loves me. He was a very clever and creative man in life, I guess he kept those talents in spirit.
Two of Al's closest friends took me to lunch. They lived on the other side of the continent and the wake was the first time I had met them. We sat and chatted about Al and all ended up ordering the same lunch: tortilla soup. When the waitress brought our order, she commented that she had been inspired to get creative with the sour cream. As she put down the bowls, I saw that she had drawn a clover and a star in the others' soups. As she put down my bowl, I found a large heart drawn with sour cream. Earlier that day, in my mind, I had a one way conversation with Al (meaning I talked to him). I told him how much I loved him and would always love him. I guess this is how he figured out how to let me know he still loves me. He was a very clever and creative man in life, I guess he kept those talents in spirit.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
First 2 Weeks
The first 2 weeks were a blur. I spent them in Al's apartment helping Jack, the executor to his Trust, do all the things one does. So here's all the odd things that happened in those first 2 weeks:
Jack had to rent a car since he had flown in from out of state. The rental company gave him the exact same car Al drove, a black Ford Explorer. Jack didn't ask for it and was in total shock when he saw it.
As I was helping to clean out Al's apartment I kept being drawn to a pair of green slippers and a white tin of candy. I wanted to take them with me, but logic kept telling me I was nuts. He had so many beautiful pieces of artwork, why was I drawn to slippers and candy? Later in the day his sister called from New York and asked if he had had the chance to give me the green slippers he had brought back for me!! and she also asked if I had found a white tin of Italian candies he had bought and was popping endlessly he liked them so much.
At one point I started doubting how much he loved me (I later learned this is a common feeling). That same day, his niece emailed her eulogy which included Al's dream of moving to Italy with "his beloved Aedan."
4/25/08: His sister found a gift certificate for Bed, Bath & Beyond. She used it and drove home wishing she had another one. On an impulse she looked in her gift certificate envelope (apparently she had several for other places) and found another one from BB&B she swore wasn't there before. It certainly could have been an oversight, except the gift certificate was from Al and it had expired on the day of his death 4/14/08.
Later in the day, as I was walking up the stairs to his apartment, I was wishing for a tangible sign for myself from Al. As soon as I walked in the door Jack and my friend Kristy said, "You want a sign?" ???? I'd never said anything out loud to anyone; in fact, I had just thought it just then coming up the stairs. They gave me a Euro with a harp on it (I play harp). Kristy said she had just found it on Al's desk and the weird thing was, she had completely cleaned off the desk earlier in the day. I was later told by a friend that it's an American custom that if you find a penny it's from a departed loved one. Little did I know then he was to send a lot more coins in very unusual ways.
Two of my friends both heard a male voice shouting their name two days after Al passed. One was sleeping and it woke her up; the other was in the shower. Both asked their roommate/husband if they had called for them and both answered, "No."
4/28/08: I was sitting in the living room talking on the phone to a friend. My apartment then was full of noises from creaking floorboards from overheard neighbors, to birds and squirrels outside; it was constantly filled with noises of some sort that I learned to ignore. Suddenly, a noise in the corner of the room caught my attention. I looked in that direction and thought "Al?". Then I noticed the glass door on my antique clock was open. I've had this clock for years and the door has never opened on its own.
4/29/08: Came home from work, tired, depressed. The cat gets out and does his usual "chase me" game. This usually goes on for at least 10-15 minutes. As soon as he got out I just felt too drained for the game and thought, "Al, would you please get the cat to stop." The cat immediately dropped to the ground and waited for me to pick him up.
4/30/08: One of Al's friends for many years (and originally someone he had dated in his 20's) called me to see how I was doing. When she started talking about an old girlfriend of Al's, the phone started crackling so I couldn't hear what she was saying. When the crackling stopped, she was on another subject.
That morning the phone woke me early. The ring tone was the tone I had set to let me know when Al was calling, and I only had it programmed for Al's cell and home phones. By this time both had been disconnected. It rang once then stopped.
Jack had to rent a car since he had flown in from out of state. The rental company gave him the exact same car Al drove, a black Ford Explorer. Jack didn't ask for it and was in total shock when he saw it.
As I was helping to clean out Al's apartment I kept being drawn to a pair of green slippers and a white tin of candy. I wanted to take them with me, but logic kept telling me I was nuts. He had so many beautiful pieces of artwork, why was I drawn to slippers and candy? Later in the day his sister called from New York and asked if he had had the chance to give me the green slippers he had brought back for me!! and she also asked if I had found a white tin of Italian candies he had bought and was popping endlessly he liked them so much.
At one point I started doubting how much he loved me (I later learned this is a common feeling). That same day, his niece emailed her eulogy which included Al's dream of moving to Italy with "his beloved Aedan."
4/25/08: His sister found a gift certificate for Bed, Bath & Beyond. She used it and drove home wishing she had another one. On an impulse she looked in her gift certificate envelope (apparently she had several for other places) and found another one from BB&B she swore wasn't there before. It certainly could have been an oversight, except the gift certificate was from Al and it had expired on the day of his death 4/14/08.
Later in the day, as I was walking up the stairs to his apartment, I was wishing for a tangible sign for myself from Al. As soon as I walked in the door Jack and my friend Kristy said, "You want a sign?" ???? I'd never said anything out loud to anyone; in fact, I had just thought it just then coming up the stairs. They gave me a Euro with a harp on it (I play harp). Kristy said she had just found it on Al's desk and the weird thing was, she had completely cleaned off the desk earlier in the day. I was later told by a friend that it's an American custom that if you find a penny it's from a departed loved one. Little did I know then he was to send a lot more coins in very unusual ways.
Two of my friends both heard a male voice shouting their name two days after Al passed. One was sleeping and it woke her up; the other was in the shower. Both asked their roommate/husband if they had called for them and both answered, "No."
4/28/08: I was sitting in the living room talking on the phone to a friend. My apartment then was full of noises from creaking floorboards from overheard neighbors, to birds and squirrels outside; it was constantly filled with noises of some sort that I learned to ignore. Suddenly, a noise in the corner of the room caught my attention. I looked in that direction and thought "Al?". Then I noticed the glass door on my antique clock was open. I've had this clock for years and the door has never opened on its own.
4/29/08: Came home from work, tired, depressed. The cat gets out and does his usual "chase me" game. This usually goes on for at least 10-15 minutes. As soon as he got out I just felt too drained for the game and thought, "Al, would you please get the cat to stop." The cat immediately dropped to the ground and waited for me to pick him up.
4/30/08: One of Al's friends for many years (and originally someone he had dated in his 20's) called me to see how I was doing. When she started talking about an old girlfriend of Al's, the phone started crackling so I couldn't hear what she was saying. When the crackling stopped, she was on another subject.
That morning the phone woke me early. The ring tone was the tone I had set to let me know when Al was calling, and I only had it programmed for Al's cell and home phones. By this time both had been disconnected. It rang once then stopped.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Day 1
My boyfriend Al & I are very close. We met each other later in life (in our 50's, though most people think we're late 30's/early 40's because we both have the young, impish energy and look about us). He's a gorgeous Italian, I'm a petite, cute Irish redhead. After our first date there wasn't a day that went by where we didn't connect in some way: in person, phone, email, text, IM; usually a combination of the above.
On Monday, April 14, 2007, Al didn't return my phone call. That was totally unlike him; on days we couldn't see each other we talked several times on the phone. By the evening I was starting to panic. I reasoned that he probably returned home from his long drive and fell asleep; he'd done that before. I'd call him at 6am the next morning, his normal wake-up time.
On Tuesday, April 15 (tax day), I called him at 6pm. No answer. Okay, he's probably in the shower. 6:15 still no answer. 6:30, 6:45. I'm now in a full blown panic. I live in the San Fernando Valley, he in Santa Monica. I threw on clothes and jumped in the car. Before I left I called my friend Margaret; no answer. On the way over the hill my cell rings - the display says "Al" (or so I think). Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! He's okay. I answer, I hear his voice say, "You tried calling me?" WTF? "Yes!!!! I tried calling you yesterday when you didn't call me back!!!"
"I was supposed to call you?"
"Yes!!!! I was so worried that something had happened to you!!!" I was in tears in both relief and upset.
"I was supposed to call you?"
..... wait, this isn't Al's voice. "Who is this?"
"It's Margaret sweetie. What's going on?"
So I tell her. She's in Portland, but asks me to call her when I get to Al's. My plan is if his car isn't in the driveway I call 911 and report a missing person. If it is there and he doesn't answer the door, I call 911.
I arrive, his parking spot is empty. I call 911. They ask his name, destination and time he was supposed to arrive. I tell them, they put me on hold. They come back on the line and tell me they're connecting me with the coroner. The coroner comes on the line and asks me his name, birthday and address. I tell them. They say he was in a fatal auto accident and they have his wallet. They give me his description: 6'1", 200+ lbs., brown eyes, short dark hair and beard. No! OMG, maybe they switched wallets with another person in the accident and he's okay, or in the hospital. Al is 5'8", about 140, green/blue eyes, long black curly hair and no beard. She tells me she's not the coroner and he won't be in until 2:00pm. It's now 7:45am. I give her my contact info and hang up. I'm in complete and total shock.
I call Margaret, she says to call Ana, so I do. By the time I returned to my apartment 6 friends were waiting for me. By the time the coroner called, I had a dozen friends in my apartment. The coroner confirms it IS Al that died, and that he apparently lost consciousness while driving, the car hit the embankment on the 10 freeway, rolled and he was ejected; killed instantly on impact. No other cars were involved.
I now have to notify his friends and family. Problem is, I only have his sister's phone number and I've never met or talked with her. (He had been planning to take me to New York in the summer to meet the family.) Two of my friends were able to get into his apartment and find his contact list. So I start calling. I left a message for his sister: "This is Aedan, Al's girlfriend, he's been in an accident, please call me." His sister's return call was the most difficult call I've had in my life, as they were very close.
This was the start of an experience that has completely changed my life in many ways. Some are obvious. Some I don't think I've realized yet. But the impetus behind this blog is to put my experiences out there so others who have lost a loved one, and feel they've received communication from them, know you're not alone, you're not crazy, you're not imagining things.
The rest of my blog describes all the communications I've received from him, which started the day after his death. I started writing them down right away so I wouldn't forget. I'm now on my 4th journal. Many of the communications can be "explained away" as my imagination or coincidence. Many cannot. I leave that to you to decide.
If you're reading this before my next post, which is the start of my communications from Al, I apologize, but I need to run off to a meeting. But I'll start with day one very soon ...
On Monday, April 14, 2007, Al didn't return my phone call. That was totally unlike him; on days we couldn't see each other we talked several times on the phone. By the evening I was starting to panic. I reasoned that he probably returned home from his long drive and fell asleep; he'd done that before. I'd call him at 6am the next morning, his normal wake-up time.
On Tuesday, April 15 (tax day), I called him at 6pm. No answer. Okay, he's probably in the shower. 6:15 still no answer. 6:30, 6:45. I'm now in a full blown panic. I live in the San Fernando Valley, he in Santa Monica. I threw on clothes and jumped in the car. Before I left I called my friend Margaret; no answer. On the way over the hill my cell rings - the display says "Al" (or so I think). Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! He's okay. I answer, I hear his voice say, "You tried calling me?" WTF? "Yes!!!! I tried calling you yesterday when you didn't call me back!!!"
"I was supposed to call you?"
"Yes!!!! I was so worried that something had happened to you!!!" I was in tears in both relief and upset.
"I was supposed to call you?"
..... wait, this isn't Al's voice. "Who is this?"
"It's Margaret sweetie. What's going on?"
So I tell her. She's in Portland, but asks me to call her when I get to Al's. My plan is if his car isn't in the driveway I call 911 and report a missing person. If it is there and he doesn't answer the door, I call 911.
I arrive, his parking spot is empty. I call 911. They ask his name, destination and time he was supposed to arrive. I tell them, they put me on hold. They come back on the line and tell me they're connecting me with the coroner. The coroner comes on the line and asks me his name, birthday and address. I tell them. They say he was in a fatal auto accident and they have his wallet. They give me his description: 6'1", 200+ lbs., brown eyes, short dark hair and beard. No! OMG, maybe they switched wallets with another person in the accident and he's okay, or in the hospital. Al is 5'8", about 140, green/blue eyes, long black curly hair and no beard. She tells me she's not the coroner and he won't be in until 2:00pm. It's now 7:45am. I give her my contact info and hang up. I'm in complete and total shock.
I call Margaret, she says to call Ana, so I do. By the time I returned to my apartment 6 friends were waiting for me. By the time the coroner called, I had a dozen friends in my apartment. The coroner confirms it IS Al that died, and that he apparently lost consciousness while driving, the car hit the embankment on the 10 freeway, rolled and he was ejected; killed instantly on impact. No other cars were involved.
I now have to notify his friends and family. Problem is, I only have his sister's phone number and I've never met or talked with her. (He had been planning to take me to New York in the summer to meet the family.) Two of my friends were able to get into his apartment and find his contact list. So I start calling. I left a message for his sister: "This is Aedan, Al's girlfriend, he's been in an accident, please call me." His sister's return call was the most difficult call I've had in my life, as they were very close.
This was the start of an experience that has completely changed my life in many ways. Some are obvious. Some I don't think I've realized yet. But the impetus behind this blog is to put my experiences out there so others who have lost a loved one, and feel they've received communication from them, know you're not alone, you're not crazy, you're not imagining things.
The rest of my blog describes all the communications I've received from him, which started the day after his death. I started writing them down right away so I wouldn't forget. I'm now on my 4th journal. Many of the communications can be "explained away" as my imagination or coincidence. Many cannot. I leave that to you to decide.
If you're reading this before my next post, which is the start of my communications from Al, I apologize, but I need to run off to a meeting. But I'll start with day one very soon ...
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